back in the red: OLD IRON BALLS
Rimmer takes to the hot seat:

Interviewee: Arnold J Rimmer

Matt: I had great difficulty in persuading Rimmer to be interviewed, he seemed more interested in Cataloguing his shoe collection

Rimmer: That is just not true Sir, don't make me sound like a pompous, stuck up git!!

Matt: But you are?

Rimmer: Well....yes....but....

Matt: Below you can see the interview, so enjoy

Rimmer: *under breath* goit!

Matt: *under breath* git!

1. If you wouldn't have joined the Space Corp's, what job do you think you'd be doing now?

R: Seeing as we're 3 Million year's from Earth, I'd say I'd pretty much be dead, not even the best anti ageing cream could prove otherwise!

M: I meant what job would you have done?

R: Oooh, I would probably have been a General in the Army, especially with my 100% Battle Record with that marvelous victory on Waxworld

2. What Animal best describes you and why?

R: Are you sure you're a qualified Interviewer?

M: Smeg Off!! Just answer the Question's so I can get out of here!

R: Ok, probably a Rotweiler Dog, cos they're lean, mean and are incredibly tough!

M: Oh, I was expecting you to say a Maggot

R: What are you trying to say?

3. Have you achieved any of your life-long ambitions?

R: Ahhh, what a question, my answer is all of them!

M: Like what?

R: Like, erm...well

M: To be a complete and utter bastard?

R: Indeedy!!

4. In all your year's aboard Red Dwarf, what's the scariest thing you've encounted?

R: Lister, first thing in the morning, when he get's down off that bunk it look's like a Baboon swinging from a tree and he smell's like one too!!

5. Tell me exactly what you think of Ace Rimmer?

R: Do you want one word or a 5 page essay?

M: Just a short sentence would be nice

R: I have some very good words to describe what I think of him.....Superglue....Rabid Ferret....Down Trouser's......No Children

6. Which Crew member do you dislike the most and why?

R: Well, they're all git's, but at a pinch I'd have to say Lister?

M: Why?

R: Because he smell's worse than an Elephant House on a hot day!

7. And the crew member you like the most?

R: Well that's obvious, the hardworking, attention to detail, alway's get the job done one

M: That's Kryten then?

R: What!! Milk Carton head!!, I was talking about me you goit!!

M: Hey!!

8. So Rimmer, with all these people reading this, can you finally explain why you've failed you Astro Navigation Exam so many times?

R: Yes, I have a 12 page essay and a book coming out to why I have failed by the narrowest of narrow margins

M: Could you just give us just a small insight into why?

R: I would but I don't have my note's with me

M: So it's got nothing to do with that you're a brainless gimp with a brain the size of an ant's testicle!!?

R: Nope

9. If you could change place's with anyone in the Universe, who would it be?

R: Without a doubt Napoleon, his Italian Campaign was simply brilliant!!

M: So not the guy who invented quick drying floor polish then?

R: No

10. And Finally, doesn't it ever bother you that you are an egocentric smeghead who's going nowhere in life?!

R: Excuse me!!

M: Er, nothing... thank's for the interview, bye.....*runs out of room*

Many Thank's to Rimmer for this Interview, but he's still a complete git!!