back in the red: BIG SMEGGER - DAY 43 to 49
What happened in the Big Smegger House:

DAY 43: The housemates wake up in a downcast mood following Listers eviction. Kryten blubbers over the mid-morning porridge. 'Why Mr Lister? he was such a moral man. I remember the way he'd drop his toast in the chicken coop and just wipe off the poo before devouring the bready treat and another thing, who'll finish the Vindaloos!' cried Kryten as the housemates comforted him.

Rimmer, however, wakes up in a merry mood after deciding it is impossible to escape eviction that many times and not win. Big Smegger has taken Listers eviction badly and decides to punish Rimmer for not going again. He is told to rake the garden, but this annoys Old Iron Balls and he throws Kryten at the mirrors in an attempt to get to Big Smegger. Hollister steps in and orders Rimmer to do it. Arnold calls Hollister a number of nasty names, but after careful persuasion and a major pummeling, Rimmer agrees.

By Evening, Kryten is still quite upset. Cat cheers him up by letting him fold all his clothes and the droid is even more delighted when Cat throws all of Rimmers clothes into the mud and hands them to Kryten to clean. He remarks that it's 'sheer bliss' and that its 'just like Mr Lister was still here'

DAY 44: Nirvannah and Rimmer are woken by the sound of laughter. They venture into the garden to find Hollister, Cat, Kryten and Ace standing around a huge fire. Nirvannah and Rimmer huddle around the fire and Rimmer suspects nothing until he gets a whiff of camphor wood. He races inside but finds out his chest is missing together with all his clothes.

The housemates roll on the grass with laughter as Rimmer emerges outside with a shocked expression on his face. They soon stop however when they notice that Rimmer is holding Cats favourite suite, Krytens favourite groinal attachment, Ace's favourite hair dye and Hollisters favourite Nude Sumo Video. Rimmer throws them onto the fire.

He is soon laughing out loud, so much that he falls backwards in hysterics and lands head first into the Rock Garden. He smacks his head and is soon out cold. Ace quickly grabs the unconscious Rimmer and rushes him to the Notepad Room. He is still out when Ace leaves. The housemates have an uneasy nights sleep, wracked with worry over what has happened to Rimmer.

DAY 45: Its a bright sunny morning as the housemates rise for breakfast. As they leave their bedrooms they notice that Rimmer has returned and is sat on one of the sofa's with his head in his hands. Nirvannah races over to him and gives him a big hug but is taken aback when she notices a H on his forehead.

The housemates a filled with guilt as it comes to nominating who is to leave this week. Big Smegger announces it is time later in the day. As ever, its Ace who goes first:

ACE: Cat and Kryten

REASON: 'I feel so guilty that I can't bring myself to vote for Rimmer, even though he's a weasel. I nominate Cat because he stole my hair gel again and Kryten because I found him doing something suggestive with a loaf of bread'

CAT: Hollister and Nirvannah

REASON: 'Man, I feel so bad, even for that smeghead. Hollister because he watches Nude Sumo and Nirvannah because she nicked my leg wax'

HOLLISTER: Cat and Kryten

REASON: 'I know its hard to believe but I can't vote for Rimmer after yesterday. I choose Cat because he suggested that I was the star of my Nude Sumo video and Kryten because he told everyone I was the star. Hey, a guy needs to make a little extra cash once in a while'

KRYTEN: Hollister and Ms Crane

REASON: 'The Captain because of his reaction to me telling everyone he is the star of Nude Sumo and Ms Crane because shes even more annoying that Ms K'

NIRVANNAH CRANE: Ace and Cat

REASON: 'Ace because I think he wears womens underwear, because mine keep going missing and Cat because I think he wears womens underwear because mine keep going missing '

RIMMER: Hollister and Krytie

REASON: 'Hollister because he's a big baby suck up to Big Smegger and Krytie because I saw him throwing in a Reggie Dixon cd onto that fire. Its sacrilege!!'

Big Smegger decides to change its routine and announces who is up for eviction straight after the housemates votes. Its Cat, Kryten and Hollister, for the first time its not Rimmer who breaks into a hysterical laugh. He announces that he knew no-one would nominate him for feeling bad about his death. To the housemates surprise he peels the H off his forehead and says 'It was just a sticker!! Maaaaaaahvelous!!!'

Big Smegger bleeps out the housemates reaction.

This week its Cat, Kryten and Hollister. Who goes? Its up to you!

DAY 46: The house is still distraught following Rimmers cheating escape from nomination. Big Smegger refuses to bow to their complaints and states that it is not against the rules to fake death and if anyone has a sudden urge to don a Grim Reaper costume, they're more than welcome.

Nirvannah goes to the Notepad Room to confess to Big Smegger she might be losing her mind with no other woman being left in the house. She is reminded that all she ever did whilst there were other women was to bitch about them behind their backs. Nirvannah seems puzzled and claims 'I know..... thats why I miss them!'

The tension in the house is at breaking point following Rimmers stunt, so much so that Cat urinates in Arnolds shoes and Kryten refuses to iron any of his shirts for a whole day. Kryten is shocked to see Rimmer laughing at his non-ironing stance as he see's it to be very serious. Rimmer just laughs and says 'You moronic metal bastard!!'

Meanwhile Ace locks himself in the Den and emerges a few hours later. He corners Rimmer and says 'You won't win old chum, I'll see to that'.

Rimmer is shaken by the threat as this is one of the first times the old Rimmer has broken through the Ace persona.

DAY 47: Big Smegger announces that there shall be another task, much to the annoyance of the house. The housemates have to compete against each other in a sack race around the garden and the first to cross the patio doors will be rewarded with being able to watch a video of their choice.

It is 7pm when Big Smegger announces it is time for the race. The housemates wait for the hooter to signal the start of the race and when it sounds Ace and Cat race into an early lead with Rimmer, Nirvannah and Hollister close behind. Kryten is left behind on the starting line as he takes to sewing a pretty flower pattern to brighten up his otherwise dull sack.

Hollister drops out early after running out of breath and Nirvannah is next to go when her sack snags on a nearby branch and unravels it. Rimmer starts to slow down after realizing someone has filled his sack with potato's before the start.

Ace and Cat race towards the finishing line, they are neck and neck but the doorway is not wide enough and the two of them become stuck and are unable to finish. Rimmer pants towards them and at seeing his chance and with amazing athleticism manages to leap over the wedged couple and lands over the line with a thump. He gets up and does a merry dance around the house, clicking his heels in mid-air as he goes.

After much celebration by Rimmer alone he chooses his video, it will be 'The Completely Interesting History Of The Belgian Sewerage System'.

The others decide to have an early night.

DAY 48: Hollister sits nervously over his lunch as he is paranoid about being voted out on Day 49. Rimmer doesn't help by tutting and saying 'dear oh dear oh dear' repeatedly in a variety of silly voices. Big Smegger announces that a world record has been broken in the house without anyone realizing. Hollister receives a certificate after he is told that he has eaten the most amount of food ever within a 3 day time span. Cat is upset as he asks Big Smegger if he's won anything for having the worlds cutest butt. He is left distraught when he is told Lister has won that award since leaving the house. Cat goes into shock as he can't believe such a flabby bum could win such an award and that the award must have been given out by some strange woman who had been hit on the head with a pan and had accidently mistaken his for the grubby gimboid's.

Kryten gets into his sack but realizes that the race finished the previous day. He shrugs his shoulders and smiles as he admires his lovely floral pattern on his sack.

The housemates question Nirvannah's sanity as they find her in her room with a sock on either hand. One is badly painted but resembles Arlene whilst the other as an uncanny likeness of Kochanski. She emerges a while later and tells the housemates she's perfectly fine, she just needed to create the sock-likenesses to ween herself off not being able to bitch. She whispers in Ace's ear that Kochanski had just called him a floppy hair git.

DAY 49: Eviction day. The housemates get ready to be one less in the evening and everyone prays it will be Hollister after eating them out of house and home. Rimmer, for the first time is able to relax and sits quite contently in front of the fire, warming his feet by the fire. Ace gives Rimmer an icy glare and makes a slit throat gesture at him. Rimmer feels a shiver shoot down his back. He doesn't know what Ace has planned but he knows it can't be anything good.

The housemates kick their heels as the day is long and boring with nothing particularly fun happening, this is until Captain Voorhese breaks into the house and confronts Ace. Voorhese is knocked out by a lethal combination by Ace and by Rimmers handbag. The rest look at Arnolds purple womans handbag with interest but Rimmer proclaims that he carried it for luck and for when he's in trouble as it had always worked for any woman he'd try to chat up.

After the trouble Voorhese was carried out on a stretcher and Dr Lanstrom is soon talking over the loud speaker.

DR LANSTROM: 'Kryten, Cat and Captain Hollister, you have been nominated for eviction this week. After a week of phone votes it is decided who shall leave this week. The next person to leave the Big Smegger house will be....... Captain Hollister!! You have one hour to collect your things and leave'

Hollister sighs and collects his things as Cat and Kryten embrace each other. Rimmer laughs shrilly straight into Hollisters face who grabs Arn's handbag and smacks him round the face with it. Hollister admits that it does indeed work and decides to keep it for himself.

An hour later it is time to leave and as the countdown reaches 0 the door swings open and Hollister steps out into the outside world. With a deep breath he turns to the remaining housemates and says 'I've peed on all your clothes' and then he runs as fast as his little legs can carry him.