back in the red: BIG SMEGGER - DAY 15 to 21
What happened in the Big Smegger House:

DAY 15: The housemates wake up to their first morning without Arlene Rimmer. Rimmer leaps out of bed happy for the first time in two weeks. After spending each night locked in the boiler room hiding from Arlene he is glad to have finally got a proper nights sleep.

After lunch Big Smegger sets the challenge of building the highest cardboard box tower in the garden. The going is good and the housemates are well on their way to completing the task when Kill Crazy scales the tower in a bid to escape. Unfortunately the boxes cannot take his weight and the tower collapses. Kill Crazy is knocked out as he drops 80 feet to the ground. The housemates fall around laughing and all agree this has been the best day in the house so far.

At 6pm Big Smegger tells the housemates to gather around the Notepad Room and seconds later the door opens and the housemates are confronted with Captain Hollister. The 11th housemate.

Hollister settles into his first night in the house, much to the annoyance of Cat who is made to vacate the double bed to allow for Hollisters ample frame. Cat mumbles to himself as he jumps on the nearest locker and curls up to sleep.

DAY 16: Big Smegger wakes the housemates up at the crack of dawn to warn them of a fire. The house goes into a blind panic as Rimmer is dragged choking from the house by Nirvannah who says that 'no fire will kill my Arniepoos'. Lister is the final member to escape into the garden, some 2 hours after the emergency began. The housemates are enraged as they find out that the smoke that had alerted Big Smegger was really one of Listers socks.

Kryten surprises the house when he admits that he once tried to have sex with the suction end of a vacuum cleaner until he was caught by Holly 'I just wanted to know what the big deal with this disgusting act was. Personally, if I want to get hot and sticky I'd rather play squash with a sumo wrestler'

Seeing as Hollister is a new housemate the others decide he should take about his sexual past. Rimmer vomits in a plant pot as he imagines Hollisters flabby body grinding away on top of some poor woman.

DAY 17: The housemates wake up on Day 17 suffering from a huge hangover after the early hours became a rave and the housemates ended up in different beds, Kill Crazy ending up in a flower bed. As the headaches wear off in the afternoon Big Smegger announces that its time for the housemates to choose who they want to leave the Big Smegger house. As it is his first weekend in the house Hollister is excluded from nominating and from being nominated. Ace is called first......

ACE: Rimmer and Kill Crazy

REASON: 'Rimmer because I can't stand to see myself so warped and weasily and Kill Crazy because he's a freak'

CAT: Rimmer and Petersen

REASON: 'Rimmer because he's Rimmer and Petersen because he vomited on my favorite shoes last week'

KILL CRAZY: Rimmer and Kryten

REASON: 'Rimmer coz he's a stuck up git, init and Kryten coz he nicked my can of WD40, I was savin that to have after lunch'

KOCHANSKI: Rimmer and Kill Crazy

REASON: 'Rimmer because it'd be a laugh to see him fail again and Kill Crazy because he crushed all those pretty flowers last night'

KRYTEN: Ms Kochanski and Kill Crazy

REASON: 'Ms Kochanski because she's such a bossy cow, same as last time and Kill Crazy because he was so inconsiderate about the WD40, I mean inserting a toilet brush into ones groinal socket then repeatedly pushing oneself down the loo is no way for any man to act'

LISTER: Er..... Rimmer and Cat

REASON: 'Er... Rimmer because he saw him reporting me to Hollister the moment he walked into the house and Cat because he crapped in my shoes'

NIRVANNAH CRANE: Kill Crazy and Cat

REASON: 'Kill Crazy because I noticed him trying to steal my Arnies Monshoetree and Cat because he stole my Arnies Monshoetree'

PETERSEN: Er.... I's schlike to nominate er... Rimmer and... er.... Nirvananananananah

REASON: 'Rimmer because he makes me vomit, though that could be da drink and Nirvananananah because she turned down my approach to kiss her *hic*'

RIMMER: Lister and Kochanski

REASON: 'The sight of them makes me want to puke still'

DAY 18: Hollister wakes up early to find out that someone has stolen his shoes. He searches the house and eventually finds them down the toilet, that hasn't been flushed since its last use. After lunch Kill Crazy accuses the housemates of trying to get rid of him. Lister explains that this is pretty obvious seeing as he's up for eviction. Kill Crazy takes this as an insult and builds himself a Fort from cereal boxes and household furniture.

The housemates are bombarded well into the night with rotten tomatoes and last nights runny porridge. Kryten is used as a battering ram as Lister and Ace force their way into the Fort and apprehend Kill Crazy who is immediately tied to the washing line and beaten repeatedly with a hockey stick.

The housemates crawl into bed at 1am, leaving Kill Crazy suspended to the washing line.

DAY 19: The housemates are woken after lunch by what they first think is the fire alarm, instead it turns out to be Cat as he realises that he hasn't combed his hair in 2 hours. Cat goes to the Notepad room to receive counseling from a trained expert and emerges a few hours later feeling fine after being reassured that no-one had noticed. Nirvannah slaps Kochanski over the table whilst the housemates eat their dinner's outside in the garden after Kochanski remarks that Rimmer is a no-hoper with a brain the size of a a snakes penis. Kris responds by dunking Nirvannah's head in the Jacuzzi.

Lister has a bright idea and puts custard in the water. Soon the two women are wrestling in a giant pool of custard as Lister and the rest of the house sit eating popcorn. Rimmer tries to restore order but is soon dragged into the pool after being told to shut up. His clothes are torn from his body, Nirvannah stops for a look at Rimmers naked form but this lapse gives Kochanski enough time to land a right hook on Nirvannah and send her flying into the Chicken coop.

DAY 20: After yesterdays Custard fight Nirvannah and Kochanski are not on speaking terms, Kochanski is rushed to the Notepad room to see a doctor when it turns out someone has mixed rat poison in with her Cornflakes. Nirvannah denies it was her and the rat poison she was concealing behind her back was for other reasons.

Big Smegger sets the housemates a task. Each housemate has to pot just one Pool ball each to complete the task and get lots of nice things. The housemates all step up to the table and pot them with ease. Kryten made everyones hearts leap to their mouths as his shout bounces off all the cushions and eventually rolls all the way down the table and into the right hand pocket.

Ace also pulls off an amazing trick shot. He smacks his shot off the far wall of the house, which bounces across the kitchen, hits a pan then bounces across the house, hits the sofa bounces off another wall, into the boys bedroom, hits one of Krytens spare heads, bounces back into the room, onto the table and into the pocket.

The 'Pool God' Lister steps up for the final shot, Rimmer, however, sneezes as Lister takes his shot and unfortunately he rips the felt and the ball bounces off the table and into Petersen's pint of beer.

The housemates round on Rimmer and decide to lock him in the Den. Big Smegger decides it is the best thing they've done since entering the house and says that they can have a reward even though they failed the task. Rimmer is heard wailing like a baby as the housemates tuck into an expensive meal.

DAY 21: Eviction day. Nirvannah and Rimmer are released from the Den. Nirvannah's hair is very ruffled and Rimmer smiles like he's just one the lottery. Rimmer is overheard whispering to Miss Crane: 'My God, I've never done it 24 times consecutively before, I've barely done it once consecutively!!'

As the day draws on the housemates gear up for the eviction. Lister winds Rimmer up by hanging a big banner up saying 'Bye, Bye Rimmer'. Rimmer runs to Hollister and tells on Lister. Hollister laughs at Rimmer and tells him that he helped Lister make it. Kryten is beaten up with Talkie Toaster as he tries to mix one of Petersen's beers with the nightly meal. Petersen spits on Kryten's unconscious form and remarks never to touch his alcohol, thats how people get hurt.

As the night draws on Dr Lanstrom comes over the loud speaker:

LANSTROM: 'Arnold Rimmer and Kill Crazy, otherwise known as Peter Poncemby The Third, you have both been put up for Eviction from the Big Smegger house. Whoever is voted out will have 1 hour to gather their things and kick whoever they dislike before leaving the house. The second person to leave the Big Smegger House will be.................... Kill Crazy'

Rimmer leaps into the air and is hugged by Nirvannah as he is relieved to escape eviction for the second week running. The rest of the housemates burst into tears and curse the public for not getting rid of Rimmer.

An hour later Kill Crazy is set to leave the house. The females hug him goodbye as he gropes their bums and the males promise to get rid of Rimmer somehow as the Second Technician beams with pride for staying in. As the countdown reaches 0 and the door opens Kill Crazy races into the nice shouting: 'Lets go kill somethin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'