Back in the Red

This is an SOS Distress call from the JMC Ship-to-surface Vessel, Starbug 1. This is the 4th Captains Log. Food supplies are now getting low, things got so bad last week I was tempted to eat fruit, thank god I didn't, I think I went temporarily insane! The sanity of the rest of the crew has also been brought into question, just last week I found Norman on his bunk spreading peanut butter all over his body, the bastard!! he'd used the last jar, I love peanut butter, it spreads over skin brilliantly ... er.. or so I've been told *ahem*. Questions were also raised at Dinner when Petersen's chocolate log tasted strangely of sh.. *transmission cut*

*transmission re-established* ...whoops, sorry about that, I accidently dropped a jammy doughnut on the switchy off button thingy, you know, the big red one. Last week Starbug was damaged badly in a meteor storm and we had to crash land on a moon. We needed a new OG Unit and had to trade with the GELFS. To do this Ackerman had to marry the Chiefs daughter, he was a little wary saying this had happened before when some curry smelling fat oaf had done a runner on their wedding night (he sounds strangely familiar). Hey, who are we to say this shouldn't be done, so we got the hell out of town, they weren't best pleased!!

Kill Crazy is currently unconscious, we were all playing an Artificial Reality game and were about to get laid when he came bursting in with a semi automatic, he should have been playing the Cop game, he ruined it for us all and was beaten repeatedly, even by Norman who was hoping to lose his virginity that night! A freak accident in the Science Lab aboard the craft created 12 Pixies, they were the best thing to happen on this ship for weeks and enjoyed being thrown at walls, though they only had a life span of 12 hours, a shame, I wish that was the life span of the rest of the crew!

Games night was tense. Poker, high stakes, I was sweating like a man who's just noticed Gazpacho Soup's served cold when he's just given it the Chef to heat up and everyone's laughing at him. The winner would take out the beautiful woman on board, boy, what I wouldn't have done to get my hands on Inflatable Iris, I was kept awake for hours by Patersen's incessant gruntings. Tell me this, how does a man who can barely walk half the time win a Poker game? The bastard!

Ok, thats enough for this Captains Logs, I got the second highest Poker hand so I got the runners up prize, Inflatable Bob, hey, it's better than nothing!