back
in the red:
CAPTAINS LOG 3
Hollisters cries for help:

|
|
This
is an SOS Distress call from the
JMC Ship-to-surface Vessel,
Starbug 1. This is the third
message I'm sending out and if
I'm not already going mad I will
have done come the next one. We
swim through the vastness of
space playing cards and 'Hunt
Norman' who's normally somewhere
in the engine room so that fun
has gone, if only he'd hide in
the Garbage chute, it'd make the
game a million times better. Mr
Ackerman is becoming more
deranged, Petersen is just as
drunk as always and Killy Crazy
is unconscious in the Medi Bay.
As for me, I'm so hungry I could
eat Petersons Cheese and Lager
Pie, here's whats happened since
Log #2..... |
2 weeks
have passed since the second Captains
Log. Life on board ship is tough,
relations between the crew are at an all
time low. No-one seems to be getting on,
especially Kill Crazy and Mr Ackermans
baton. Last week was very strange, I fear
Ackerman is going rather strange as I
found him in his sleeping quarters
cuddling a Pink Bunny and muttering that
everything was ok when 'Bunnykins' is
with him. I am yet to question him about
what I saw, maybe this is a secret part
of his life. I have since taken photos of
him like this and will put on a slide
show for the crew when he's in bed. Hey,
I can be a bastard too!!
Things
are very depressing, theres only so many
times you can paint smiley faces onto
Turnips before it gets boring but
everyone enjoys Games night as we've
invented a few games. These include:
'Kill Crazy Beating', 'Carrot Flicking'
and 'Penguin Throwing'... unfortunately
the enjoyment of the latter is taken away
as we have to use the little chocolate
Penguin bars instead of the really thing.
Sometimes
I think I care less about being Captain
day-by-day. I never change out of my
Pyjama's until after 4pm and I have no
shame in scratching my groin at the
breakfast table. This was a tad
embarrassing when I realised one morning
that we'd picked up 5 beautiful
hitchhiking female Simulants. They seemed
more scared of me than I was of them and
they left very quickly. I couldn't
possibly wonder what they would find
wrong with me, ok I'd discarded my Pyjama
bottoms and all my underwear was being
washed. I'm sure they were sniggering and
pointing, at what I don't know.
Norman
came in useful a few days ago for the
first time on this voyage. He has a good
shaped head for unblocking the toilet,
especially after 'Chilli Sandwich' night.
Petersen
is still drunk. Last night I found him in
the corridor with an empty bottle of
bleach in his hand. His drinking habits
are getting more peculiar by the day. Now
I worry about what'll turn up in my soup.
He's had a cold recently and was very
skeptical about eating the Pea Soup, it
was all green and stuff and quite lumpy,
I actually doubt it had any Pea's in it.
It found it's way to the waste disposal
by... er... mistake
Thats
it for now. Kill Crazy is due to wake
from unconsciousness any minute. No doubt
he'll do something to earn more
'Unconcious Time' within the hour....
This is
Captain F. Hollister, signing off.....
|