Back in the Red

This is an SOS Distress call from the JMC Ship-to-surface Vessel, Starbug 1. This is the third message I'm sending out and if I'm not already going mad I will have done come the next one. We swim through the vastness of space playing cards and 'Hunt Norman' who's normally somewhere in the engine room so that fun has gone, if only he'd hide in the Garbage chute, it'd make the game a million times better. Mr Ackerman is becoming more deranged, Petersen is just as drunk as always and Killy Crazy is unconscious in the Medi Bay. As for me, I'm so hungry I could eat Petersons Cheese and Lager Pie, here's whats happened since Log #2.....

2 weeks have passed since the second Captains Log. Life on board ship is tough, relations between the crew are at an all time low. No-one seems to be getting on, especially Kill Crazy and Mr Ackermans baton. Last week was very strange, I fear Ackerman is going rather strange as I found him in his sleeping quarters cuddling a Pink Bunny and muttering that everything was ok when 'Bunnykins' is with him. I am yet to question him about what I saw, maybe this is a secret part of his life. I have since taken photos of him like this and will put on a slide show for the crew when he's in bed. Hey, I can be a bastard too!!

Things are very depressing, theres only so many times you can paint smiley faces onto Turnips before it gets boring but everyone enjoys Games night as we've invented a few games. These include: 'Kill Crazy Beating', 'Carrot Flicking' and 'Penguin Throwing'... unfortunately the enjoyment of the latter is taken away as we have to use the little chocolate Penguin bars instead of the really thing.

Sometimes I think I care less about being Captain day-by-day. I never change out of my Pyjama's until after 4pm and I have no shame in scratching my groin at the breakfast table. This was a tad embarrassing when I realised one morning that we'd picked up 5 beautiful hitchhiking female Simulants. They seemed more scared of me than I was of them and they left very quickly. I couldn't possibly wonder what they would find wrong with me, ok I'd discarded my Pyjama bottoms and all my underwear was being washed. I'm sure they were sniggering and pointing, at what I don't know.

Norman came in useful a few days ago for the first time on this voyage. He has a good shaped head for unblocking the toilet, especially after 'Chilli Sandwich' night.

Petersen is still drunk. Last night I found him in the corridor with an empty bottle of bleach in his hand. His drinking habits are getting more peculiar by the day. Now I worry about what'll turn up in my soup. He's had a cold recently and was very skeptical about eating the Pea Soup, it was all green and stuff and quite lumpy, I actually doubt it had any Pea's in it. It found it's way to the waste disposal by... er... mistake

Thats it for now. Kill Crazy is due to wake from unconsciousness any minute. No doubt he'll do something to earn more 'Unconcious Time' within the hour....